In many ways I have started a new life, I have started counting my blessings. It wasn’t easy to get to this point at all. But here I am, in the flesh, Ready to start with life again. Maybe it was something I said to get things into that position, maybe I was holding on too hard. It’s hard to say really, it sounds depressing going over it. But I was stuck without any options. I dropped my arms in defeat, it was over with. I can’t believe I gave up. I can’t believe I gave in, was it humility or was it defeatism? I like to think it was humility, my racing mind never had a break, but when I dropped my arms it felt like I had finally surrendered a piece of myself to life. Again, I know this sounds depressing, but bear with me, I had been fighting all my life, struggling to keep control. When I dropped my arms it felt like I was finally free. No longer will I struggle to try to be something I’m not. I had given up on what I should be and opened my life up to what it could be. And you know what, things started to change after that. I started receiving the right treatment and was well on the way to a speedy recovery. Was it like magic, or was it spiritual, or was I too invested in that idea? I had always held such things in high regard since I was a kid. I had questions for life deep down, which demanded to be explored, it was possible I was just lying to myself about what I wanted. I wanted a new life, but now I’m not sure, maybe my old life was better, maybe it had a point.