Alex Disney

This world is amazing. Imagine getting to see from your own perspective all the time. I always considered others when I write. So to write about myself seems like a breakthrough, even though that sounds a little sad. It’s really a different way of looking at things altogether. And who knows where it will lead. Having confidence is something truly amazing. A thing I never had before, especially for my own writing. I feel like everyone has their own path, and way of expression. And it is really good to acknowledge them and think outside the box. But was it good to carry so many different opinions around with you? Sure we don’t want to be narcissistic. But was it good to hold so many people in mind? Being yourself and being relaxed seemed a little more important than being trapped in a world where you have to actively suppress how you see things. Your world could be purple and shiny, and if you have something to share, it really makes a big difference to be authentic, and not limit yourself to what others will think. You can’t write for everyone. Just find something you are good at and act from there. Honestly, so much time has been given to stay on topic with everyone. The best way is to act from your heart. That way, it could all flow naturally, and you’ll find the power and strength you need to succeed. An easy thing to say, but not so easy to put into practice. But what do you think?

It was a new world, and there was so much to learn from this. So much to discover, have you heard of Enochian? (The Language of the Angels) it’s very powerful, I have only just started to practice with it and it’s truly amazing. What a difference, and it really spoke to me, not like school where the focus felt like it was on getting good grades. Instead, I could look at spiritual happiness and a new life of success following that new world of great discoveries in front of me. What an amazing world to be a part of. I have so much to say about angels and working with them, it truly is a game-changer. And I can’t wait to make more amazing discoveries. This world is truly a beautiful blessing from God or life, or the universe (Whatever your thing is). My favorite part is to share my experience and maybe learn from someone else, from their beautiful experience. That is my great wish here today. God bless, and have a nice day!

The day was young, and so much could happen. I was delighted to be here in my world. It turns out that there was more to it than I had realized. I had constantly undermined myself, believing that what I thought or how I saw the world wasn’t of value. But it was! As I saw it, there was far more to life. Not just limited to discipline and the stans. There was so much to learn in this new world, and once I had learned to embrace it, the more I saw how beautiful it was. So far, far away from that other world. The way I saw it, I was repeatedly taught that I should embrace something that wasn’t me. A form of looking at things I really couldn’t embrace. It was better to live in that world and share it with others. Have a nice day, and God bless!

It’s hard to stop worrying about the future, no one knows why I can’t get on with normal life. But for me that’s hard, I have a real desire to learn more. It’s hard to explain, now I have a Mental illness, will my experiences be chalked up to just fantasy? New experiences are happening every day, and are enlightening for me. So I don’t count my experience as derived from a mental illness, rather a beautiful but also terrifying time. I mean I had a glance at what Hell could be like, I also felt what another higher world would be like. The feeling is almost indescribable. When I was in Hell it was like I was on fire, and when I went higher it felt uplifting Like I was soaring into those higher worlds. It definitely gave me a bigger perspective on what kind of experiences you can have in life. You’re almost responsible for the way you see the world. I used to think I wasn’t good at anything. But after I had that experience I felt lifted out of my funk. Never to go back to my old life, or worldview again. There’s a bigger picture at work, and seeing that bigger picture fills me up. So do I really need to return to that old way of thinking? College, job, wife, etc. There’s something so beautiful about looking at life in another way, to that usual standard I was taught at school and at home. It lies in just being yourself and letting life take its course, and not getting bogged down in those murky waters of someone else’s idea of success. Now I am freeing myself from this ideal, and I’m much happier for it. I could never speak up for myself when I was younger, I was too weak. But after my experience in psychosis and a bad breakup with my ex, everything has changed. I no longer get stuck in those feelings of shame or regret for what I don’t have and I’m all the better for it.

It was like nothing had happened. I was running home, stuck under the thumb of the rulers. I couldn’t take it in the hospital anymore. I had already spent enough time in hell. But it wasn’t over. I still had much life to live. I’m not going down. I will stay to see what love is and the beautiful life on earth. The thing is, once you are in that state, it’s almost impossible to come out of it. But, in a way, it also excited me as I valued every experience as a life lesson and to have a particular meaning, even being in hell. Without many of those experiences, I wouldn’t love my life so much, nor the world of nature. It was very intense, though. Hard to compare with anything in everyday life. It’s like living in an intense dream, a dream that never stops.

It was time to move on. I was standing in my room waiting for the movement to be made. I was going to India for six months. I had no idea how I would come back. How much would it change me? I’m starting to doubt myself. Was it possible to go there and return as the same me? Somehow I knew it would change me forever. My whole outlook would be different. For some reason, when I got there, I felt weird, like I was at home. The colors were so vibrant in India. Everything seemed alive. Everything had its power. Cows were walking about on the street, people are passing by the bus. Venders jumping onto the bus to sell fried food; Samosas, HELL yeah. Everyway you look somethings happening, its a place of great excitement if your from the west. I grew up in the Scottish country-side so this was totally another world. The Isle of Skye, is nothing like India, except for the friendliness, that was something I found similar about the two. In India, people are so friendly, they really make you feel welcome. The houses were all different colors, some were straight up blue, or green, or yellow, or even a mixture. I’ll never forget that first step into the country, how warm it was, in Scotland its hard to find such warmth and it wasn’t just that but the humidity. Suddenly my western clothes became very heavy. It was time to change. I had to get new clothes. And a new attitude. This was going to take commitment. But “I wasn’t going anywhere”, that was my inner voice. It spoke to me more as I stayed there. It’s hard to describe the feeling I had when I arrived, it was a mixture of sadness and exhilaration. “This will change me forever.”

When I think back to my trip, it spirals out of control; what should I focus on? There was the time I had a road accident with a bus, and then there was a time I met a Swami (spiritual master). I had met a few; it was terrific. Then I also made many friends there. There was a man from Greece, a man from America, and a man from India. Even though I was afraid, there was never one moment where I felt it was too much to handle. Sure, there were hard times, but the hard times taught me a lot about myself. They brought out the best in me. I couldn’t believe my luck when I met the Swami. It was truly inspiring. Uplifting. And nothing was stopping me from going further in life. I remember leaving his house and wondering if life would ever be the same again. So much Atmosphere in one person, so much energy. It was incredible. I looked at the world entirely differently after this. He had given excellent advice along with his power, told stories about his life, and sold the idea that to be living in the heart but being practical at the same time was something much sought after. Meditation was the key to remembering these things. Writing and storytelling were another. And singing brought it home for me, to live in the heart, but be excited by the minor mundane things. To be free was the path for me. So much to learn, and I could feel that those people were out there somewhere; I

My heart was pounding, “I can’t believe I’m going to India” I said to myself. It was on another level, I was ecstatic, “6 months on my own” these thoughts raced through my mind. It was the biggest move I had ever made by myself. Could I handle it though? Probably not, but staying at home was not an option. I had to go and find out what was what. I had to find out what kind of strength I had. Still, 6 months on your own in a completely foreign country is something else entirely. Was it really foreign though? It felt vaguely familiar. When I had first heard of the Bhagavad Gita, a spiritual text of India in Religious class, something inside of me lit up. My heart opened up. It was incredible, it was like it was speaking of a familiar land far away. It was like home for me. I couldn’t describe the feeling. But one thing was for sure, I would never forget this trip!

It was hard to grasp what was happening. I was on a shoestring. I was traveling through Europe. It was hard to see what I would do with what little money I had left. Thankfully my girlfriend at the time lent me some money. But was it perfect? Sometimes lending money to a partner can be problematic. I don’t know my point, but sometimes it causes a strain unless there is a good reason. I was stuck. It was time to go home but was I willing to go home? I know it’s selfish, but sometimes despite everything, you have to do what you have to do and take a stab in the dark. It was the same when I was in India. I was 18 at the time, and I had a road accident. It was terrifying at first, but I had booked a 6-month trip there. In my mind, I was staying. I should have gone home, or so that’s what a lady who came to see me said to me. I was alone and scared, but I searched for answers, and I wasn’t leaving until I found them. Again it sounds selfish, but staying is the best thing I did. I found answers to my questions. Going through Europe had its drawbacks, definitely, but the chances of having a bad time again were low. Could I stay there forever? I contemplated to myself. Slovenia really spoke to me. They have a delightful dessert there called kremšnita, it’s like a crème brûlée but in a cake form. I used to have it for breakfast there. Listening to my heart was the thing I was good at. Traveling proved that with my heart, I could achieve anything. And how many times have I followed that with conviction?

Why was I so invested in India calling me? It seemed as though I was meant to go there. I had no choice. I could sit at home and do the same things I had always done, or I could go to an acclaimed spiritual center in India and really dive deep into my problems and the search for answers. Was it possible to go there and return as myself, or was I losing a part of myself by going? It seemed anything was possible. I was 18 at the time, so I wasn’t thinking about careers and I live with my family so I had nothing tying me down. I can definitely say it had a big impact on me and now I look back and smile at everything I went through. I went alone, which was important for me, plus I had so many questions. I thought of going with my brothers to Thailand, but it did not pull me, so it did not resonate with me on a deeper level. Although I know many spiritually-minded people go to Thailand. Where I went was called Tiruvannamalai, it was in the south of India, in Tamil-Nadu. It was the best thing I had ever done. I was glad to be there, it felt like home. All of the chanting and thoughts of chakras and more, just completely filled my cup with everything I needed. I felt a special attraction to the mountain there. I was overwhelmed by its beautiful energy. was it possible to find what I was looking for here, (in Scotland)?